Wat: The Insanity Begins

This is just a story I wrote for class a few weeks ago, and despite the title, it's probably not going to be continued.




Wat: The Insanity Begins
The cat was sick, that’s what the doctors said. Of course, that’s what any space communist doctor would say when faced with this cat’s strange “illness”. They said that the cat would have to be put down soon, so that it could die in peace, but I knew what they were planning. They were afraid that this cat was the Chosen One, the one being that could pilot the robot Mars, and drive away our cruel oppressors. I knew I had to save this cat no matter what the cause.

Ripping the cat from the evil Dr. Loboto’s arms, I did an overly intricate gymnastics routine to go the 5 feet from the doctor to the door. Suddenly, when I got to the door, Dr. Loboto started to laugh, and he pressed a button hidden on the underside of the statue I had failed to notice earlier. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I ran faster than the Flash to try and get out of the building. Dr. Loboto’s laugh rang in my ears, piercing the silence in the hall like a Kalashnikov in a library. The walls began to press inward, closing off my escape options, or so the good Doctor thought. I, however, noticed that he had neglected to remove the windows from the walls, so with a mighty yell, and a spinning kick that covered 200 feet, I smashed out the window, and remembered too late that Dr. Loboto’s lab was over 400 feet in the air.

Pieces of glass tingled around me, creating an almost serene environment for me to die in. The cat, who I had named Shabalabadingdong, hadn’t meowed once, oblivious to the danger I had put it in, and unaware of its destiny to save the world. I watched the ground rush up to greet me, faster and faster, ready to give me a deadly punch with the force of a train going 200 miles per hour.
For any other person, for any other being, this would be the end. But I wasn’t going to let something like 212 mile per hour fall stop me. Thinking quickly, I brought my arms forward, in a blocking position. Right when I was supposed to hit the Earth, I yelled, and knowing that the fall could count as a punch, I blocked the Earth. Pulling my arms back, I screamed bloody murder and punched the Earth, hitting with such force that the impact could be felt all around the world.

The ground below me vaporized, making the area for a 5 mile radius look like an asteroid hit it. A sonic boom spread out slowly, completely disintegrating anything caught in its wake. And in the center of it, Shabalabadingdong lay, unfazed by what just happened.